Writing it down is therapeutic...

When I started to write it down before I lost it on my computer. AWESOME!
I've always heard the word 'grieve' when people miscarried, and that always seemed like such a heavy word for them to use. Not to discredit those loosing a child and such. But, now experiencing losing our two little babies there is no better word in the entire vocabulary better then that.

I have felt many emotions since last week, heartbroken, desperately sad, angry, and numb. I don’t know what to feel anymore. I've realized that it is done, all over with and there is no longer anything I can do. I'm try to not to think about them to much, because if I continued to, nothing would get done-shower, cleaning; important things. But truthfully it's hard. I'm so used to thinking like I'm pregnant, I go to a store and I instantly want to browse the clearance maternity and then I have to kick myself for thinking that, control my emotions and try and not break down in the store again, and pick my self back up. Then I'll see my stupid giant bottle of TUMS I bought because I always have the worst heartburn when pregnant, and I instantly want to throw it through the window-hence the word ANGER.

We are getting better and getting through it. One thing that I am entirely grateful for is the timing of this tragic event, I know this seems minute but I'm reaching for positives right now, and that is it happened when we were back in GA, had a great vacation in Iowa. I could not have imagined us finding out before; it would have made it horrible for Eric and I. And it a way as hard as it is having Eric in total control (Means they've picked up a new group of privates and work 7days a week 4am-8pm) is that I have to take care of Caden, myself and our home.

Eric was and has been so amazing through this. He is such a nurture her and a sweet heart. I know he is battling the same emotional battle I am and he just took over and took care of Caden and I. It brings me to tears thinking of how wonderful he's been and how terribly sad he is also. I appreciate those calling asking not only if I was okay but if Eric was, all though it happened physically to me, it's very much the same thing emotionally for Eric.

I think I have rambled enough, but I wanted to thank you all for keeping us in your prayers and thoughts! We will get through this, after time.